


Wash thats. how do you flub so badly

by Pocketsized_Kanaya_Maryam



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Ice Cream Shop AU, Multi, RvB Rare Pair Week, carwash siblings, wash being awkward as fuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-12
Updated: 2017-05-12
Packaged: 2018-10-30 20:27:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10884336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pocketsized_Kanaya_Maryam/pseuds/Pocketsized_Kanaya_Maryam
Summary: Inspired by a prompt in a Tumblr post:‘You’re an employee and I have a crush on you so when you hand me the soft serve I accidentally grab it by the ice cream instead of the cone’





	Wash thats. how do you flub so badly

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AgenderMaine (AngelusErrare)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelusErrare/gifts), [Mercs](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mercs/gifts).



> So uh, I don't know how to write Connie but yolo im love my friends and will support one of their fave rare pairs. Anyway im not happy with it but rare pair week is almost over so oh well.

It started five weeks ago. It was a simple day– nothing out of the ordinary. Customers came and customers left. One customer, though, there was something about him that was charming.  
  
Maybe it was the assortment of freckles on his face that were so prominent it looked as though he had constellations drawn on his cheeks. Maybe it was the way his eyes lit up when he smiled. Maybe it was the way he was just absolutely adorable.  
  
Either way, every time that man came through the door, Maine found himself immediately poking Connie on the shoulder and making a small grunt as if to say, "He's too cute. I'm nervous. Can you serve him?"  
  
And Connie, sweet as ever, smiled and rolled her eyes. "Sure thing, Maine. But you owe me something. After all," she began. "Who would want to deal with something as horrible as talking to a cute customer?" she teased.  
  
And it happened that way every few days when the man came in to buy his daily ice cream.  
  
The first time he was very awkward, clearly he struggled in social situations, and he was very nervous. After that, however, he seemed to loosen up a bit.  
  
Today was not going to be unlike his last several visits.  
  
Okay. That's not really true in most aspects actually. A lot can change when your coworker decides, "Oh, come on, Maine, you can do it. Go woo the freckled cutie. I know you want him and I will be pissed if you don't at least talk to him. I have been flirting with him every damn time he's come in, and you need to get your ass on the playing field too."  
  
As such, Maine stood at the counter, more aware of his breathing than usual, trying to remain calm as he waited for this freckled man to show up today.  
  
Connie clearly noticed Maine's anxiety, and, because of that she slung her arm around his waist (She would've put it on his shoulders, but that is rather difficult when you are two feet shorter than the person you're attempting to put your arm around.), and she motioned for him to lean down. She softly kissed Maine's nose and said "If you can deal with people who want butter pecan ice cream without nuts or something stupid like that, you can handle talking to someone you think is cute. I mean, you talk to me sometimes," she said. Connie then walked off without anything else to say.  
  
Maine was about to argue when he noticed the door open. Dammit. Yup. There was the cute man. But, with him, Maine noticed a familiar face. The girl next to him with hair so red it looked like it could burn you and eyes so green they looked like they were unreal. She had been in his history class three years ago (as well as his gym class, however, her competitive nature definitely made him a bit concerned and he prefered to block out the fact that she had landed three of their classmates in the hospital. She was definitely a good team leader though in dodgeball, and he was glad he never went on the opposing side). Maine raised an eyebrow at the sight of seeing her again, not that it was uncommon to see people you knew around town, but the fact that Carolina knew the adorkable man was surprising.  
  
"Maine?" he heard her ask as she got closer to the counter. He was surprised she remembered his name, but when there's several people in one town all nicknamed for states, he supposed that remembering his name wasn't too far of a stretch. "Didn't expect to see you here," she commented.  
  
The tall man shrugged his shoulders. "Happens," he said. "What do you want?"  
  
Carolina spoke first. “Small strawberry cone with light sprinkles?”

Maine nodded to show he got her order.

"The three sherbet thing: Lime, Cherry, and Orange, and a water to twink." And then his eyes widened as he realized what he said. "I did not mean the words that came out of my mouth."  
  
Carolina's immediate response was to laugh.  
  
"So you don't want the sherbet combo?" Connie called from several feet behind Maine, smiling as she teased the customer.  
  
Her laughter grew stronger.  
  
"No, that part I did mean. I. I meant the other part was the part I didn't mean," he spoke, clearly very embarrassed.  
  
Carolina managed to stifle her laughter a bit, but a smile still crept on her face, showing she was ready to laugh again at any minute.  
  
"So then the flavors?" she asked, smirk still on her lips.  
  
"No," he said, his voice doing nothing to cover up how much more embarrassed he was getting.  
  
No one bothered to notice the door opening again as another employee opened the door to start his shift.  
  
"So then, you mean the part about you being a twink?" She was very clearly enjoying teasing the man.  
  
The man's face turned three shades redder at that comment. "I didn't necessarily say that _I_ am a twink, just that—" he was interrupted by the employee who just came in.  
  
"We're callin' Wash a twink now? Man, all the fun stuff seems to happen when I'm not on shift."  
  
"York!" Wash shrieked, surprised to hear yet another voice add into this conversation. Connie and Maine made note of the man's name.  
  
"But hey if you ask me," York started.  
  
"We didn't, but go on. This has to be good," Connie interrupted.  
  
York rolled his shoulders back. "I think Wash is more of a twunk."  
  
Connie just stared at York with a bewildered expression.  
  
And, to keep in with how the conversation was going, Wash's face turned even redder.  
  
York, being the ass he is, decided to comment. "Did somebody spray him with the strawberry sauce or somethin?"  
  
"Fuck off," Wash muttered.  
  
"Eyyy thattaboy, finally fighting back. Was wondering when you'd start firing."  
  
Connie, who had walked back over to the counter, finally spoke. "York," she said. "What in the ever loving fuck is twunk?"  
  
"A twink that's also a hunk," he supplied. "I mean, have you _seen_ his abs?"  
  
"Afraid not," Connie said. "Would like to though," she added. Wash felt his face grow even warmer and he wished he could just stop being embarrassed but Connie continued. "And I know I'm not the only one either." As she added the last bit, she elbowed Maine in the side and walked away with a smile.  
Maine blushed for a second before looking at York and sending him a fairly unimpressed look. Despite York not quite being fluent in Maine’s facial expressions as a language, he attempted to respond. “Are you… angry at me?”

“He's basically implying you're a whore,” Connie supplied after a quick glance at Maine’s face.

“Okay first of all, fuck you. Second of all, I mean you're not _wrong,_ but still. It hurts.” He put his hand on his heart as he feigned a hurt expression. “Thirdly, how is it relevant?” He paused. “Also, Connie how the hell do you do that?”

“Well,” she started. “I just know him really well? Also the direct translation is more ‘Why am I not surprised York’s slept around enough to have seen a random customer shirtless?’”

York took in a deep breath, in attempt to over dramatically make his point. “If it helps, I didn't see Wash shirtless because I slept with him. I was at Lina’s last summer at a _pool party,_ for your information.”

“Do you didn't fuck him?” Connie asked bluntly.

“We’re in the middle of public,” Wash said softly.

“‘s not like we're busy or anything?” York responded, not quite getting it. “But for your information, Connie, no, I haven't.”

Wash couldn't even manage words at this point and just covered his face.

“As glad as I am to know that the man who flirts with me on a daily basis didn't sleep with my brother, I would like to get our order before his face turns so red that he doesn't have blood anywhere else in his body,” Carolina said, both as a way of teasing Wash and to get it to end.

“Right,” Maine mumbled. He looked at Connie as if to prompt her to grab the orders.

“Oh shit I left them on top of the cooler, didn't I? One sec!” she said before running off to grab the order.

She came back a few seconds later, the cone and plastic container of sherbet in her hands. She handed one to Maine to hand to Wash. She herself went to go give Carolina hers (she had left Wash to stand awkwardly waiting as she went to talk to York– either flirting or trying to teach him about social cues because _really, York?_ ).

As Maine went to hand Wash his, Wash got a little too mesmerized by looking at Maine and accidentally grabbed the ice cream by the scoop.

“I.” he said, face still increasing in red increments. “Maybe I should just go.”

York decided to butt in. “Wash ya know if you ever need flirting lessons–”

“Absolutely not,” he said.

“Oh come on you're definitely more Maine's type than I am and if i managed to—”

“I don't wanna know, York.”

Maine glared at York.

“Translation, Connie?” York called.

“I swear to god, York, you need to learn to shut up for five fucking seconds before I break another wall. And this time it'll be from smashing your head in it.”

“Can we instead have a part two of last time?” York said, trying not to show that he was actually scared of the threat.

“Wait he actually threw you through a wall?” Wash asked in shock.

“‘Threw’ is a bit of an inaccurate word,” York drew out. “But I guess if you really want to you can call it that.”

Wash turned from looking at York after feeling a poke on his shoulder.

He looked down at the counter and saw another instance of his order, this time lacking the imprints from grabbing it by the wrong part.

“On the house,” Connie said.

“Oh, I, uh,” Wash stammered, not quite expecting that.

“You might wanna wash the stickiness off of your hands first though.”

“Right.” Wash nodded.

“Oh one more thing!” she said. “Maaaiiine?”

The tall man looked at the floor nervously then up at Wash. “Date?”

Wash looked like he was thinking for a second. “It's the eleventh, I think?”

Connie almost laughed. “No, Wash. Like, ‘do you want to go out for lunch or see a movie’ date.”

“Oh.” Wash said, eyes wide, as the idea hadn't occurred to him. “Even after that?” he checked.

“Was cute,” Maine said.

“I. I didn't think I'd get a date. Oh my god.”

“And if you want,” Connie added. “You can make it two dates for the price of one.”

Wash stared at her a bit unsure what she was implying.

“Like. I wanna go to. The joke is we're not making you pay. So. It wouldn't change the price. Maine's paying,” she said to Wash. “By the way Maine, you're paying, babe.”

“Thanks,” Maine responded with an exhausted expression, showing how much he appreciated the newfound knowledge.

“So,” Wash said. “You're both dating, and you want to both take me out?” he asked, making sure he was connecting the dots right.

Maine nodded.

“Okay I uh. Not how I expected my day to go but this is uh. This is nice. I'm in.”  


Carolina stood up from the barstool she was sitting at. “Well, I owe North a date,” she sighed.

“You say that like you hate the idea. Or like it's not a regular thing for you,” York said.

“The dates are typically my ideas. I’m worried about what he might have as ideas.”

“You could always say no?” York responded.

“I lost a bet, York.”

He raised an eyebrow. She pointed at the other three in the room.

“Thought he'd get so embarrassed he'd leave before anyone asked or that no one would at all.”

York made an “ah” motion with his mouth.

“So he's gonna do what, not let you over exert yourself by doing too much? What, you gonna have a sweet romantic picnic?”

“Hey you don't know what he's capable of,” Carolina teased.

“I'd like to think I do,” York added with a wink.

“You're horrible.”

“But you still love me so I can't be that bad.”

“Debatable,” she said before biting the last bit of her ice cream cone, a smirk on her lips as she walked away.

**Author's Note:**

> anyway the last bit tooooooootally wasnt because i call my friend logan north more than her actual name and shes such a meme queen id be scared of hearing her suggestions for dates with her girlfriend are nope not at all. Somehow faith hasnt seen bee movie yet iirc and when youre dating a literal meme i dont know how thats possible.
> 
> concept: rvb canon that north really fucking loves memes and tries to show the entire moi bee movie but every time they say bee its replaced with five minutes of shrek
> 
>  
> 
> also god please imagine the suffering connie and maine would endure working with york on a regular basis. 
> 
> i wanted to include south working there but i thought the concept of her getting fired from throwing ice cream in someones face would be funnier.


End file.
